After a week of driving on the left side of the road, from the right side of the car (what I once considered the passenger’s side), not to mention along a rather large amount of rural highway, I’ve learned a few valuable lessons.

First off, don’t assume you can drive on the shoulder. In fact, don’t drive anywhere near the shoulder. That’s where large groups of pedestrians like to walk. Especially when it’s mind bogglingly foggy out, that’s when the drunk ones in particular like to jump out in the road and startle you.

Speed bumps, though somehow important for safety etc. are your bane. Treat them with contempt and drive over them quickly and they’ll jostle you much less than if you show them respect and slow down.

A significant increase in speed bumps and shoulder-hugging pedestrians means you’re nearing Appelsbosch.

Frustratingly thick fog stands as confirmation to the above signs of proximity to the Bosch.

Don’t assume the person driving in front of you knows how to shift down when approaching or engaging a hill. You’re going to slow down significantly if you don’t pass them, so do.

Speaking of which, speed limits are really to be seen as lofty goals more than safety guidelines. If you reach the speed limit with other traffic on the road consider yourself blessed and enjoy it while it lasts.

Look for opportunities to pass because if you miss them yes, you will be stuck behind that Toyota towing a BMW for as long or longer than your fears have suggested.

Fences? What fences? My cow can graze on the tarmac if he likes.

If they pull over and drive into oncoming traffic to let you pass, take them up on it. No sense letting them risk their lives and the lives of the oncoming drivers for nothing.

Shifting with your left hand is easy, in fact driving on the left side of the road is easy. So long as there are people around. It’s when you’re alone, running late, trying to find the airport, and surrounded by ambiguous and confusing signs that you pull into four lanes of oncoming traffic. In these moments it’s suggested that you find the nearest exit and pull a U-turn onto it.

When you find yourself 50 kilometers north of your intended destination don’t panic.

Seriously, that’s it for that one. Finding a gas station for directions does help though.

Speaking of gas stations, fill up when you get the chance. There won’t be another one for a long time.

When driving  a tiny hatchback into the mountains and you find yourself losing power as you near the top of a really really steep section, don’t shift from third to fourth. You lose even more power that way.

Antelope and cars don’t mix well, on the road or at cocktail parties.

Just because the stoplights are dead for three intersections doesn’t mean you don’t have to stop. Or it does… you just have to kind of see what everyone else is doing and hope that you don’t end up on the wrong end of a T-bone.

Turning on red isn’t a good idea.

When the police ask you for your ID just smile and nod. Don’t worry, they can’t make heads or tails of your license. In fact, they’ll probably just let you go because they have no idea how to do the paperwork. But when they ask if you’re from Washington D.C. just smile and nod. Geography lessons aren’t as good of conversations pieces as you’d imagine.

Police checkpoints, though annoying, should be driven through, not around. Put that one on the list of things African cops don’t like.

One final observation that reminded me of why I don’t listen to the radio much, I heard Black Eyed Peas’ “I’ve Got a Feeling” an average of 1.5 times per trip in the car. Meaning at least once out and once back. That song may be forever ruined for me.

Have any good traffic stories recently? The comment section below is lonely.

Filed under: Personal Stories by Jay